Avery Responds. Sort of.

I couldn’t believe it. Jack had written me a crummy ‘Dear John’ letter. Going against our agreement to separate our belongings as a couple—a term I use loosely—, he’d slipped out in the middle of the night while I was at work. I could only imagine what he’d taken with him. I was going to need a big glass of wine for this.

I entered the kitchen and began to pour. Taking a seat at the breakfast table, I reread his note aloud. I grew angrier and angrier with each line.  

I know that you will be both hurt and angry when you read this letter. I am sorry for that.

It doesn’t take a brain trust to know that ditching me would tick me off. You ARE sorry. A sorry a$$monkey—pardon my language.

I really hate ending our relationship this way, but I feel—in the deepest part of my heart—that moving out while you are at work is the best way to preserve what I pray will ultimately be a friendship. In time, I can only hope you that you will feel the same.

Friends?!?! On which planet do you live? Fiend is more like it.

We both made a lot of mistakes during our time together. As I told you before, I have been very unhappy for a long time. In hindsight, I now understand that I did us both a grave disservice by not expressing that unhappiness sooner. Instead of communicating my feelings to you, I let them fester. What was once a great love for you devolved little by little each day to annoyance, irritation, anger, hatred and, ultimately, indifference.

The first bit of truth I’ve heard come out of his mouth in months.

As I take full responsibility for my part in the destruction of our relationship, I ask that you take responsibility for your own. You shut me out, Avery. Your words sting. You may not be aware of your actions, but you have repeatedly made me feel as though I was less than. You have done this each time you minimized my feelings, ignore my wishes and ridicule the profession when comparing it to yours. Eventually enough was enough.

I really was in love you. And I still do love you. Very much. Please know that I sincerely mean every word that I’ve written on this page. I hope you find someone who’ll make you happier than I did.  Until we meet again.

xxoo,

Jack

Yeah? Well, I hope you catch a man-eating virus and die penniless and alone on the desperately middle-class streets of Berwyn.

I threw my glass against the kitchen wall. It shattered across the tiled floor and my deliciously juicy malbec slowly trickled down the wall. I didn’t care. Nothing seemed to matter at that point. Jack and I were officially over. Everything that was going to be said had been said. There was nothing more that I could do. Nothing more that I could do except cry.

 

Avery and the Letter

Dear Avery,

I know that you will be both hurt and angry when you read this letter. I am sorry for that. I really hate ending our relationship this way, but I feel—in the deepest part of my heart—that moving out while you are at work is the best way to preserve what I pray will ultimately be a friendship. In time, I can only hope you that you will feel the same.

We both made a lot of mistakes during our time together. As I told you before, I have been very unhappy for a long time. In hindsight, I now understand that I did us both a grave disservice by not expressing that unhappiness sooner. Instead of communicating my feelings to you, I let them fester. What was once a great love for you devolved little by little each day to annoyance, irritation, anger, hatred and, ultimately, indifference.

As I take full responsibility for my part in the destruction of our relationship, I ask that you take responsibility for your own. You shut me out, Avery. Your words sting. You may not be aware of your actions, but you have repeatedly made me feel as though I was less than. You have done this each time you minimized my feelings, ignore my wishes and ridicule the profession when comparing it to yours. Eventually enough was enough.

I really was in love you. And I still do love you. Very much. Please know that I sincerely mean every word that I’ve written on this page. I hope you find someone who’ll make you happier than I did.  Until we meet again.

xxoo,

Jack

Avery and the Grifter

I stood, mouth agape, in my living room. The television was gone. Had I been robbed? As I ran toward the media console, I noticed that its lower cabinet was slightly ajar and more than half of my music and video collection was missing.

I began to panic. How could I have been burglarized? This is a secure building in an excellent neighborhood. Simms, the doorman, had said anything when we spoke just five minutes ago.

Oh my goodness, I immediately thought. Could the thief still be in the apartment?

I crept toward the bedrooms. My heart was in my throat. I pictured the headline as it would run in the Sun-Times: LOCAL GAY MAN DUMPED THEN JUMPED. It wasn’t a pretty picture. Kicking open the master bedroom door (as I’d seen Benson and Stabler to so many times on Law & Order: SVU) I quickly scanned the quarters. No one there. I inched into the room and silently entered the adjoining bathroom. No one there either.

Suddenly, I heard a loud THUMP come from Jack’s office. Oh no, I thought to myself. I’m going to be murdered. Back in the bedroom hallway, I grabbed a broomstick—the only weapon I could think to grab—from the opened linen closet and made my way toward Jack’s office. The door was closed. I took a deep breath and then kicked it open, again SVU-style.

No one was in the room but the cats. The loud THUD was a book they’d knocked off of the windowsill. I sighed with relief. It wasn’t a break-in. No sooner had I calmed down did a knot form in the pit of my stomach.

Jack’s office was nearly empty. His computer? Gone. The pictures of us on one of our many vacations to New Orleans? Gone. Instinctively, I ran back to the master bedroom and violently opened the closet door. None of Jack’s clothes remained.  

Jack didn’t leave, I said to myself, He wouldn’t leave like this.

We’d both agreed to go through our belongings and separate them together. This was as much for my own closure as it was to insure that he didn’t take anything I wanted to keep. Apparently, he decided not to live up to our agreement, but rather chose to steal away into the night like a grifter.

I noticed an envelope taped to the back of the front door. Written on it, in Jack’s handwriting, were two words: I’m sorry.

Avery Comes Clean to His Colleagues

I’d been so nervous about telling my co-workers that Jack and I were finished, although I’m not sure why. I guess I was afraid of being judged. No one wants to look like a failure, particularly with colleagues. Losing the respect of your colleagues can feel like a death in the family. Think about it. The average person spends more waking hours at work than anywhere else. No one wants to be the outcast. No matter how we dress it up, the world is really just one big high school.

The women I work with, however, surprised me. They weren’t judgmental at all. In fact, they were more supportive than I could have ever imagined. They also felt obliged to let me in on their true feelings about Jack.

“I never thought that the two of you were a perfect match”

“I concur. He was a bit uppity for my tastes.”

“I heard that. Always looking down his nose—as if his doo-doo don’t stink!”

Thanks, ladies. Perhaps—next time—you’d care to share your thoughts before I move in, merge finances and purchase an apartment with an uppity doo-doo head? That’s alright. It’s the thought that counts.

I left my shift in a much better mood than when I’d arrived. Jack’s and my conversation, the horrible rainy weather and my fender bender were a distant memory. I even made my usual small talk with Simms the doorman, before boarding the lift to “heaven on 14”, wear a big glass of wine and a Unisom awaited me.

When the elevator reached my floor, I calmly walked toward our apartment. My apartment. Maybe Jack moving out wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I’d been single before. There really are worse things than being alone, such as… such as… I give you examples later.

I put the key in the lock and turned. The door slowly swung open. Everything was eerily quiet. I stepped into the entry way and slowly made my way into the living room. My jaw dropped. I could not believe what I was witnessing.