Avery Hearts Xanax, Part III

I nearly killed a woman when I arrived at Walgreens. I was so deep into my memories of meeting Jack’s parents, I accidentally walked directly into an elderly woman. She didn’t fall to the ground, but she was mad. The stream of obscenities that came from her mouth was enough to make Lisa Lampanelli blush.

Lisa Lampanelli - Tough Love (DVD)

Avery Visits the Grand Duchy of Wal-Martia

I can only imagine what this woman, Jack’s mother, must have been thinking as we stared into each other’s eyes. Only moments had passed since Jack came out of the closet and announced me as his boyfriend. Ironically, she dressed as though she should be the one coming out of the closet. In addition to her stonewashed jeans and Walmart button-down, Jack’s mother sported a store-bought perm that was poorly died a still unidentified shade of light brown. I must’ve looked like an alien to her. An impeccably dressed, well-coiffed, gay alien who’d come to steal her child.

Avery’s Beautiful Laundrette

As I said before, Jack is younger than I. When we met, he was a college student home for summer break. We became inseparable after taking in that first movie. A week later, he invited me to dinner at his father’s home. I know. We moved really fast.

Avery Goes to Lanford

“Hello?” I timidly said into my cell phone. Although I was hopeful that Jack would be on the other end of the line, I was also afraid to speak with him. What can you possibly say to someone who has told you that they’re no longer in love with you? Unfortunately, or luckily, I wouldn’t find out just yet.

You see, I have the unfortunate luck of having a telephone number that is extremely similar to that of a certain Rush Street restaurant. I’ve been politely redirecting callers to the correct number for nearly seven years. When this evening’s caller asked if I had a four top available for 9:30, I aloofly told her that we were closed for renovations. I was not in the mood helpful or polite.

Avery Hearts Xanax, Part II

Startled and disoriented are the two words that best describe how I felt when I awoke from my Unisom induced coma. The bedside alarm clock displayed 6:21 PM. I’d slept for nearly 10 hours. “What a crazy dream,” I thought to myself, “Can’t wait to tell Jack.” As I stepped out of bed, Bouncer, my black cat, yowled in the other room. A wave of panic set in.