Avery Hates Jack Part II

As soon as I’d opened our apartment door, I could hear the sound of the bedroom television. My mood—brought upon by my first meeting with the good doctor—deflated. I glanced at my watch. 12:37PM. What is Jack doing home? I asked myself. He should still be at work.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I hate Jack. I firmly believe he’s the ultimate jackhole. First, he ambushes me—after a long night at the hospital—with news that our seven-year relationship is over. He then storms out without another word. Next, he ambushes me—after a long afternoon with no Xanax— with the news that he’s already seeing someone else. He then storms out again without another word. Now, after I’ve finally—with the help of a dreamy therapist—decided to calmly accept my fate, he ambushes me for a third time.

I wasn’t ready for this yet. My plans for a relaxing bubble bath followed by a leisurely lunch of contemporary Italian cuisine at Pelago were now thrown out of the window. An afternoon of tipsy shopping at Ralph Lauren after drinks on the 96^th floor of the John Hancock? Forget about it. This afternoon was supposed to prepare me for Jack’s return. It was supposed to ease my spirit so I could rationally participate in the dialogue that he and I so desperately needed to have.

Not yet ready to face him, I retreated to the kitchen. I figured I could drown my anxiety in the final slice of chocolate cake left over from dinner two nights ago. When I opened the door of the stainless-steel Sub-Zero, I was further disappointed to discovered the cake was missing. Apparently, he’d eaten it.

While I’d be seeking refuge from my emotional anguish, Jack was at home. Eating my last slice of chocolate cake. I yelled an expletive and slammed the refrigerator door. To my surprise, Jack stood behind it stone-faced. On his lower lip, a dab of chocolate frosting. In his hand, a crumb filled dessert plate.

There we were. Face to face. Ready to begin round two.

All together now:

I hate Jack.

Avery Versus the Doctors

I slowly turned the knob and opened the door. Save for the setting sun, there was no light in the apartment. The cats were nowhere to be found. I would’ve thought I were alone were it not for the sound of the television coming for our bedroom.

Avery Weighs His Options

The unlocked front door could only mean one thing: Jack was back. I froze. I couldn’t breathe. What was I going to say to this man who, only 12 hours ago, chose to end our six year relationship. A million thoughts ran through my head.

Avery Meets His Neighbors

How could my doctor be so stupid? His missing license number was the only thing standing between mental piece of mind and me. I sighed, resigning to the fact that I would have to wait another day to get my Xanax prescription refilled. After purchasing a large bottle of Advil— a consolation prize of sorts—, I made the disappointing journey home.

Avery Hearts Xanax, Part III

I nearly killed a woman when I arrived at Walgreens. I was so deep into my memories of meeting Jack’s parents, I accidentally walked directly into an elderly woman. She didn’t fall to the ground, but she was mad. The stream of obscenities that came from her mouth was enough to make Lisa Lampanelli blush.

Lisa Lampanelli - Tough Love (DVD)

Avery Goes to Lanford

“Hello?” I timidly said into my cell phone. Although I was hopeful that Jack would be on the other end of the line, I was also afraid to speak with him. What can you possibly say to someone who has told you that they’re no longer in love with you? Unfortunately, or luckily, I wouldn’t find out just yet.

You see, I have the unfortunate luck of having a telephone number that is extremely similar to that of a certain Rush Street restaurant. I’ve been politely redirecting callers to the correct number for nearly seven years. When this evening’s caller asked if I had a four top available for 9:30, I aloofly told her that we were closed for renovations. I was not in the mood helpful or polite.

Avery Hearts Xanax, Part II

Startled and disoriented are the two words that best describe how I felt when I awoke from my Unisom induced coma. The bedside alarm clock displayed 6:21 PM. I’d slept for nearly 10 hours. “What a crazy dream,” I thought to myself, “Can’t wait to tell Jack.” As I stepped out of bed, Bouncer, my black cat, yowled in the other room. A wave of panic set in.

Avery Hearts Xanax

Although I felt a little better during my telephone conversation with Jasper, the tide shifted when I hung up the telephone. It was only 9:00am, and I was already through a bottle of Whole Food’s Three Wishes Cabernet Sauvignon. As I meandered through the apartment, I was overcome with all of the memories that we’d made here in two short years. This was our dream home.